This short sketch mentions rape and uses the F-word frequently, so do not read ahead if you anticipate either of those things bothering you.

***

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

Several college-aged women – MARYANNE, ALEX, JOANNA, JANET, and ALICE – sit around a large conference table. At the head of the table is the head of the committee: BETH. Next to the table is a wall with a large whiteboard mounted on it.

The dialogue is quick, snappy, as if they’re working in a newsroom. All except Beth, who speaks with slow confidence.

BETH: Okay, the slogan.

Beth nods to Alice who stands and takes position next to the whiteboard, ready to take notes.

MARYANNE: What about: “Consent is sexy.”

Groans all around. Alice begins to write it on the board.

ALEX: That’s been SU’s sexual health frat tank giveaway the past two years. We don’t want to copy SU. It’s tacky.

Alice erases it.

JANET: Yeah and it’s also a dumb saying. How about: “Consent: it’s common sense human decency.”

Nods all around. Alice begins to write it on the board.

ALEX: Or: “Consent: Because you’re not entitled to anyone’s body.”

Beth is twisting slowly in her swivel chair and turning over the pen in her hands.

BETH: Too on the nose.

Alice begins erasing. Beth notices and stops swiveling.

BETH (composed): No, Alice, keep all those. This is brainstorming.

Alice, silent and obedient, nods and begins rewriting the sentences.

ALEX: “Consent: Do ask, do tell.”

JOANNA (hands gesturing a banner): “Who needs roofies when you’ve got consent?”

Everyone is silent and shocked, except for Alice, who is writing it on the board.

JOANNA: Oh, come on guys, hear me out. (Beat.) Okay, maybe: “Consent: the new roofies?”

Janet’s eyes are so wide with disbelief.

BETH (non-condescending): I appreciate the attempt at humor, but I worry about placing the words “consent” and “roofies” in the same sentence.

JANET: Meninists could easily flip that for their own sick amusement: “Who needs consent when you’ve got roofies?”

JOANNA: Good point.

Beat.

MARYANNE: “Consent: ask and you shall receive.”

JANET: Female as God. I like it.

ALEX: But people don’t always say yes, that’s like, the whole point of asking.

Beat.

BETH: Do we have the responses from the pilot program?

ALEX: Yes.

Alex ruffles through some papers before finding her desired packet.

BETH: We had a question in there… I believe it was asking how they felt about asking “Can I touch you? Can I kiss you? Can I…”

Alex flips to the correct page in her packet.

ALEX: Yes. (Pause as she skims the info.) They said it killed the mood.

JANET: I can’t think of a bigger mood killer than raping someone.

BETH: So can we think of a slogan that works to assuage that fear of killing the mood?

Everyone is busy thinking. Even Alice, who is tapping the whiteboard marker against her lips, deep in thought.

ALEX: What about making it, like, part of everyone’s sex routine. Like, “The Two Cs of Sex: Condoms and Consent.”

BETH: Not all rape happens in sex that would require condoms specifically. We’d be excluding whole populations of sexually active individuals.

Nods all around, even a few snaps.

Beth remains pensive, lightly swiveling.

Beat.

JOANNA: I don’t understand how people think asking for consent kills the mood. Like, there’s nothing sexier than getting hot with a guy and he looks into your eyes and is like “Can I fuck you?” and you’re like: “Yes. Fuck me. Fuck my brains out. Fucking FUCK ME NOW.”

Everyone is silent and shocked, including Alice, who is staring with her mouth agape at the now blushing Joanna.

Alice snaps out of it, turns back to the whiteboard and begins writing: “Consent: Can I fuck you? Yes, fuck my brains out. Fuck me now.”

MARYANNE: “Consent: the new viagra.”

ALEX: It’s sad we’re marketing consent as “the new” whatever.

JANET: College dudes don’t even use viagra.

MARYANNE: “Consent: the young man’s viagra.”

BETH: Again, we’re excluding whole populations when we center on men.

Janet is getting frustrated.

JANET: But that’s the problem really. Yes, anyone can rape anyone, but, come on. Over two decades of Law and Order: SVU and, like, how many times has a woman raped a man? Who cares about “killing the mood.” Let’s get to the real root of the problem here: why do men rape women?

Everyone turns to look at

MICHAEL

The lone male at the table, silent until now.

He turns his head, looking to the different women at the table only to see each woman: Maryanne, Alex, Joanna, Janet, Beth, and even Alice staring at him. Not accusatorially, just eager for his response as he is now required to speak for his entire gender.

MICHAEL (flustered): I don’t know?! I’ve never raped anyone!

Everyone looks away, back at the board, or down at their papers. Everyone except Janet who gives him a suspicious side-eye glance.

Beth swivels slowly in her chair, still pensive.

EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS QUAD – DAY

We move down a line of students queuing for something.

JOANNA (O.S.): Come and get ’em. Support your fellow students by showing support for consent and the Student Survivors’ Center!

We see Joanna and Alex from behind, handing out the free giveaway purple v-neck t-shirts.

They’re also wearing them. The Student Survivor Center logo is on their backs.

Joanna hands a shirt to an ATTRACTIVE MALE STUDENT, who, instead of walking away with it like all the other students before him, peels off his own shirt to reveal GORGEOUSLY RIPPED ABS.

Close on Joanna’s face. Her eyes are wide. Her mouth is open, perhaps even starting to salivate.

Close on Alex, who glances over, then does a double take with her own eyes widening as well.

The Attractive Male Student pulls the v-neck over his head, then down his body, revealing the slogan:

“CONSENT: BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYONE’S BODY.”

Back on Joanna’s and Alex’s faces as they continue to admire this adonis, who is now walking away.

A FEMALE STUDENT gets her t-shirt from Alex and looks at it.

FEMALE STUDENT: It’s a bit on the nose, don’t you think?

Joanna is still admiring the butt of the Attractive Male Student.

JOANNA: Who fucking cares?

***

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